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~"Today, I accidentally left my Nutella
   in the car.It melted, so i drank it."


~"I work at a very large church and,
  while doing a routine light-bulb change
  in the auditorium, the piano player came 
  in, turned on the enormous
  PA system and began playing dramatic
  music while I changed small light bulbs."


~"My wife took my three-year-old
  to church for the first time. Getting
  impatient while waiting for the mass
  to start, he turned to the wife and said,
  'What time does Jesus get here?'"


~"Today I saw a guy in a banana suit
  beating up a guy in a gorilla suit and 
  running away with thee gorilla man
  chasing him."


~"I was playing [the video game]
  Lego Star Wars with my eight-year-old
  daughter.She keep killing me 
  and I told her we were on the same side.
  She replied: 'I work alone,' and
  proceeded to kill me again."


~"I was sitting at a red light when
  in the Air Tonight by Pill Collins came
  on the radio. The driver in front of me
  played the drum solo."


~"I saw my cat watch patiently as a big
  beetle ate little beetle. When it was
  finished, my cat ate the big beetle."